Dread loop: a poem (4)

What is Coward?

I’m certain, I’m a man who don’t feel embarrass

though I’m afraid to initiate the talk

I still have gut to face my work.

What is Shy?

oh, at least I try

how can I be so manipulative

at the same time apprehensive.

What is Future?

doesn’t seem to have one for sure.

seems vague to see what lies before me

so I bet, future is real, but hard for anybody.

What is Bestfriend?

I fond to have enemies at the end

something precious like a diamond

for it takes time and effort to mold.

What is Love?

is it important to talk about?

for the chaos and war that I’m at

it’s better for us to disregard

What is Mother?

at least I had one after all.

for it sucks to deal with the longing

better to stop crying before it gets me weaker.

Dread loop: a poem (3)

The face of the future


Seems vague like a dusty mirror
Slowly fading in the dark
Darkness, that keep me company over the years
of being lonely, loved and hate.


In the silence; I grow consciously
My body aches for freedom
Eager to fly high back to that dazzling dreams
Waiting for the right time to blast and scream.
Now the day becomes clear like a poetry.


Darkness, fear and loathe and dream and dream.
The mirror just a reflection
signifies the future of a young soul.

Ordinary [Valentines] day

Hello! How’s your valentine’s day? Mine was awesome.

I start realizing the true meaning of Valentine’s day just earlier when I got my way home after buying some bread at Laurie’s bakeshop. The weather was mean so I stayed an hour or two at the waiting shade, trying not to look creepy alone in the shade while others are passing by on vehicles and cars. Ten minutes after the arrival, I saw an old man walking rashly toward me with a flower and cake in both hands, smiling as if there’s a benefit bathing in the rain, rather appreciative knowing the waiting place was empty. Upon arriving, he was startled to see my silhouette in the corner of the place, meanwhile, find it amusing when he took off his hat and smile at me cordially, I put a grinning face back to him. For the past thirty minutes, we became friends and talk to each other casually as if talking to an older man was just a usual thing.
I asked him about the flowers and cake, where did he buy them, and why did he effort to go outdoors to buy such angelic roses.
“I have a farm and small garden in it, five minutes away from this place, every day, after my work, I pick 3 flowers and gave it to my wife.” replied my friend.
I was amazed by his devotion and loyalty to his significant partner, though partially guilty for I have no damn clue when it comes to intimate relationships, so I asked again why would he do that every day, is saying something nice like “I love you” isn’t enough?
“Love isn’t just saying I love you, it’s about practicing love physically and spiritually, through thick and thin. I think that is why numerous partners nowadays aren’t capable of long-term relationships. they just settle for what is less and think it’s enough as long as you feed them and be there for them.”
I was speechless for a minute after hearing those words of wisdom, my mind was bouncing back and forth, thinking about the past relationship I had with my friends and families. Reflecting how did it breakdown all of a sudden like a candle thrown in the bonfire.

The rain stopped and we both parted as we ought to, saying kind words to each other as if we’ll never see each other again. I was so proud of our momentary conversation that I didn’t even realize to ask for his name, so I named him as “old friend” my own instead. And that’s how the rain taught me a lesson about maturity in all sorts of relationships.

Emotional Breakdown: (essay Writing Contest)

Life is too long to avoid your feelings. That’s what quarantine taught me in this doomed year, well, he’s not done yet. have you ever felt opening your hungry mouth to tell a story but there’s no sound coming out from your lips? Or do you ever felt strongly than ever before for handling the overwhelming shit in your life? What about pretending to be strong to look normal in public? Well, if you did, that makes the two of us. If you’re reading this, perhaps you are in a room, in an office drinking coffee, busy with paper works, perhaps eating cookies at the kitchen table, or wherever you are, reading a whole bunch of essays from talented students usually about how “life is good” to them or maybe about gratefulness having a perfect family, or about pursuing their careers in singing, dancing, sports, painting, writing, or making YouTube content, and all the things that a teenager might do to embrace their hobbies. However, I am not here to make an impression, or to be a role model, or merely for fun to join this contest. But, I am here to tell a story.
We all have different stories to tell. About life, following our own Personal Legend, surviving from a terrifying accident that somehow we experience, being trapped in our own cage, and even stories about love. But the real story here is about uncertainties, darkness, solitude, and isolation, we all feel lonely right now. All the grief and loss of people around us make us psychic numb—we withdraw our attention to what is going on in our world– all the people who died from disasters and the Covid-19 pandemic. I hate to say this but the more people died the less we care about it.
We’re all Exhausted because of this “new normal” thing; the unusual type of education, paper works, activities, we don’t even have a space to grow. Anxious about what’s going to happen in our career after five or ten years from now. Confused about where to give a fuck about everything. With the limited resources, we barely see the future in posterity.


One of the things I learned during this pandemic is that intimate relationship with our love-ones is the most significant thing in the world. Not seeing my grandma every day feels like in a prison, not holding the hands of the one who took care of me since day one feels loneliness. But in every circumstance, there’s always a silver lining lying behind it. Being alone, far from home, I was able to feel intimate to myself. I began to listen to what my heart has been trying to say all those years and I neglected it. I become profound and see what’s my Personal Legend is.

Government Sucks (so do we)

I’m sick of seeing my social media filled with horrible things made by horribly people. they criticize government superiors from their mistakes and actions. Though, only one side of the story were reveal then. Posting “memes” that were so disgusting to imagine; edited photos to look humorous and entertaining. Publicizing their lethal judgment about the latest “political issue”.

That was so unethical…

In my country— Philippines is over democratic country, people abused their freedom to harass anyone whenever, wherever they want. Just like a sniper terrorist waiting for the enemy a hundred miles away. don’t try to argue with them otherwise they’ll bark! and bark! and bark! till you stop then got pissed. I remember watching video from twitter; the man (in the video) said the words that is so painful then alarming; “whoever can kill the president will reserved one million”. Luckily, the ungrateful man got arrested the next morning, full of regrets and begging for forgiveness.

I grew up publicly. My father was a member of the town council and at the same time my Mother was a president of the municipal health office back then. I saw the inside world of the politician at my early age. They did some nasty absurd things behind the stage (e.i.. corruption). Perhaps, karma is inevitable. Since my Mother died shitty things happened to my family like a domino effect; People start seeing the bad side of my fathers point of view then, they became visible to everyone, rumors were everywhere. Not to mention me for all the kind of affliction I’d been dealing since the day my mom died. Unhappily, the next campaign as expected, my father didn’t won.

We all commit mistakes and regrets. We tried to avoid criticism but still we do awful things. We tried to avoid pain but still, pain is unavoidable. We hide our “demons” at the back but still their were people behind our back.

Before we react hysterically, at least try to be them for one day or two. Imagine if you were in their shoes and fancy cloths and then, maybe we can show empathy and understanding a little bit.

🐱

thank you so much for reading!!!

Average student🤦‍♂️

You read it right. It’s me.

Here I am trying hard to be a blogger, since it’s free and people were very supportive, enthusiast.

Less destructive from invironment.

More peaceful than ever before.

Like in the close room you can hear flow of your blood circulating through your ear.

A student who barely even spell my “teachers name”

Yeah it’s me, not trying further in making progress at school.

School that gaves special privilleges if you have skills and supportive folks.

A student who doesn’t have a talent nor accomplishment.

Who cares about me? Is there anyone?

Guess what?

Turns out I care about my self at all, more than anything.

I percieve my handicuffs that makes me, me.

I have nothing to show more than others.

However, that doesn’t make me a superfiacial nor shallow person.

It makes me greedy and envy human being.

Sooner or later the hurricane fade away leaving us mess.

Then we start all over again.

In the midst of mediocrity

A Grandmothers palm

The kindhearted, honest, religious, pure woman I’ve ever have since childhood up untill now. It’s defferent to nurtured by a grandmother; The expert of all the sort of tactics in parenting a child.

You held my hand everyday guiding me towards the wickedness of living. Usher me across aisle of temptation and inclination. Took me home after running a mile in contrary side of the road. Embrace me despite my peculiarity.

Since my mother died when I was like ten months old my grandmother become my diaper cleaner, fed me with an extra supervision.

The intimacy between us that offer a keen existence of living. My first teacher in memorizing the “hail mary”(she knew all of it).

“Don’t tell your siblings” is the words that made me grin from ear to ear as it indicate the second move which is the “twisted money” behind my back.

Each of my nasty, embarrassing secrets of my teenage life I share to my “Mama”.

Hugging her everyday when she woke up is the magnificent relief medicine for the painstaking rough period.

“You dont really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother” -Albert Einstein

Dread loop: a poem (2)

Are we safe”

Superficial, shallow, reliant, narcissistic, you know what I mean.
People who adapt others way of mechanism.

Depending on what is norm in the mortal system.

Creating shits from what is trending to appear notable in our nasty internet.

consistently checking the social media for the latest sarcasm government.

Politics, superiors, leadership, deplomacy, who are they?
What do you know about them, who are they?

If its you, are you sincere to your loyalty in serving your mankind?

Are you the sort of person who sleep with the hands full of money?

how can we sense a riddle of your dirty game without a clue?

Perhaps, it is all the confusion and bewilderment that tolerate us from mediocry.

Timid, meek, fearful, dumb, this isn’t you.
They’re too far from the crowd of privilege.

Their voice barely perceive from the above.

Hungry and desperate for appreciation in significance.

However accepct what they recieve from the society without complaint.

It’s awful when you realized that pandemic isn’t the thing that will end you.

We can avoid and prevent the recognizable affliction.

Sooner or later it will come to an end.

But the nature of mortal chaos is inevitable endlessly.